Joe Buck Is a Weenie

I don't want to waste much time on this topic. I've already written about Joe Buck, the FOX announcer who I think sucks. But I quickly want to get in and out on the latest flap involving Buck, who pulled some holier-than-thou crap last week about Randy Moss' antics at the NFC Wild Card game versus the Packers. I have a sinking suspicion that Buck might be one of these really obnoxious "Christian" types. How else to explain his pompous criticism of Moss' post-touchdown end zone "fake moon" at the Green Bay crowd. Once Joe Buck starts to become the arbiter of taste and morality in a public forum, then we're all doomed. From Terrell Owens and the Sharpie, to Joe Horn and his cell phone, to Moss' "moon," we're all getting pretty used to pass-catchers' theatrical displays. Sometimes it's funny. C'mon now--the Sharpie WAS funny. Sometimes it's silly. Horn promised his kids at home that he'd call 'em on his cell phone if he scored a touchdown. So he had fun with that. Moss "mooning" the crowd wasn't that big a deal. Until stupid Joe Buck opened his mouth.

Buck, who himself does dumbass commercials that exploit his position as a high-profile announcer, decided to pontificate on Moss' lack of taste and the bad example he's setting. What a crock. Shut up, Joe. Get down on your knees and thank the Lord that you were able to cash in big-time on nepotism, that because everyone in the broadcast industry knew your dad, the wheels were greased for you to prematurely advance to the choice role you have in network sports. You still sound like a phony-ass weenie when you work, but many of us have decided we'll just have to live with it. Don't press your luck, dude, by giving us your heartfelt opinions on "the good of the game." What an ass. Shut up, Joe. Just keep doing your boring rote play-by-play, collect your paycheck, do your dumbass commercials, and make a special prayer that FOX executives don't wake up in the middle of the night and say to themselves, "Gosh, what were we thinking? This guy is a total weenie. He could be replaced in a nano-second. And now he's making stupid pious remarks about the football players? Get me Pat Summerall. Get me Keith Jackson. Get me anybody, but let's get Buck outta there!"

Buck will be announcing the Vikings-Eagles Divisional Playoff game this Sunday. Post-game reaction to his comments last week came in the form of a salvo from Vikings owner Red McCombs, who said that Buck should be off the broadcast. Well, that won't happen. But don't be surprised if Buck starts out with some kind of disclaimer about his comments, or some kind of conciliatory catch-all phraseology designed to excuse himself or to put his previous remarks in some kind of "context." But if he's smart--which he isn't--he'll shut the f**k up, and say nothing and just do his job. Unfortunately, Buck is too full of himself to simply do that. I betcha he says something. Just watch. He's a weenie. And an ass. He oughta be canned.

One of the worst things about the Buck situation, though, is the fact that football broadcasting is already filled with meathead ex-jocks who are godawful to listen to. The list is endless: Dierdorf, Baldinger, Bradshaw, etc. They're either dumb as a box of rocks, bombastic and loud, repetitive and unoriginal, or they work that stupid cornpone country thing that makes them look dumber. So you'd think the networks would try to get smooth, efficient and cool announcers in the booth who are NOT ex-jocks. Alas, when they do hire non-jocks, we get the likes of Joe Buck.

Joe Buck is a weenie. Maybe Troy Aikman will put a ball-gag in his mouth on Sunday. A guy can dream.