Wednesday, November 12, 2008

MNF Still Sucks, But It's Not the Game That's to Blame

Did you watch Monday Night Football on ESPN the other night? Did you hear Tony Kornholer being a consummate, uninformed and boring ass? Did you cringe a little when Mike Tirico went into his high-pitched "soft-male" pseudo-thoughtful observations? Did you think Ron Jaworski (aka "Jaws") went overboard on the macho-man scale, with his "insider" meathead talk about how coaches who are former NFL players can relate in a special way with their young charges? (Don't know about you, Jaws, but I'd rather have Vince Lombardi, Joe Gibbs or Bill Belichick—none of whom played in the NFL—helming my team over Mike Singletary.) How about Floozy Kolber's postgame Q-and-A with Kurt Warner, yet another round of asinine reportage based on the timeless modern-day stupid female inquiry, "How did that make you feel?" That question gave Warner the opening he always looks for: a chance to thank Jesus Christ his Lord and Savior for all things good in his life. Ugh.

Then there was lizardlike Stuart Scott, who, in the postgame video highlight analysis, twice called the Cardinals the 49ers—or was it vice-versa?—and was otherwise almost totally lost in narrating the plays. You really sucked, Stu. Emmitt Smith continues to amaze with his lack of knowledge of basic English. Nice guy, embarrassing reporter. (Move over, Jerome Bettis.)

Which left the only guy worth his sports media salt, Steve Young, sitting in the middle of the on-field dais, muttering to himself about the 49ers' absolutely pitiful final play-call, which sealed their defeat. Young had things to say, but Scott handled the host duties so badly that the moment was lost.

Does anyone in a position of authority at ESPN watch this stuff? If not, I'm throwing my hat in the ring for the newly created position of on-air quality control specialist. ESPN's a gazillion-dollar operation, and this is what we get. Sad stuff.

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